As I write this, I’m coming up on the one-year anniversary of leaving the corporate world. I was to embark on an amazing journey into the unknown, to finally discover my true self and live my best life. In typical “me” fashion, I put a cap on the timeline. “I should have this figured out in about 6 weeks,” I thought with conviction. Six weeks came and went and I spiraled into a mini-depression. I cringed as I pictured myself confidently saying goodbye to all my co-workers and telling family and friends about my plan to “not have a plan” and to “trust the Universe.” I truly believed it would all work out—even if it didn’t make sense to anyone else. By this time in my life I had heard enough times to take inspired action and to leave the “hows” up to the Universe. Cool, no problemo! But there was uno problemo. Inspiration was not coming on my timeline.
The first few weeks of my “new” life were strange and unfamiliar. The house was quiet. It wasn’t a peaceful quiet. It was a quiet cloaked in loneliness. I missed my team. I missed having a place to go each morning. My sense of self seemed to be hanging in the balance. What was this all about? This wasn’t a part of the plan! I was supposed to be flying high and happily exchanging business casual for…well, casual. I had some calls lined up with people I had met through former colleagues--all well-meaning, aimed at getting me quickly into a new role. I rationalized that I wouldn’t mind being back in corporate if it were the “right” role. I had some great conversations but there was no spark. Was I just being lazy? Too picky? A wise voice in me said “What are you doing? You finally got up the courage to leave that life and now you’re willing to go back just like that?” The truth was that it was all I knew. But something told me not to retreat, not to give up. First, I needed to get help. I needed a plan and some structure. I needed clarity.
I hired a coach at the end of May 2018 and had my first session during the first week of June. The decision to hire a coach changed my life in dramatic ways. As I sit here thinking of my first session, I’m smiling, thinking of all the unimaginable things that have transpired since that first meeting. I was nervous, but hopeful. The confidence I had built throughout my 20+ years in business had been steadily draining away since I handed in my company badge, laptop and phone, and was being replaced by the old, yet familiar feelings of unworthiness, doubt, and fear. Who the hell did I think I was to jump into the unknown and create a life of purpose and joy out of thin air?! Had I been thumbing my nose at all that I had accomplished so far? Had I thrown it all away on a pipe dream?
My heart was in my chest as I waited for my Skype session to begin. Suddenly there was the loud, unmistakable “beep, boop” of my coach dialing in. “Hi Carol!” he said with great warmth. I realized I had been holding my breath as I replied with excitement, “Hi Michael!” I don’t remember everything about that first session, but I do remember telling him how I felt like I was “wasting time” and “spinning my wheels.” In truth, and I’ve mentioned this before, I don’t believe that time is truly wasted as all experience adds to the richness of our lives. But Michael knew what I meant. He said “you just took a huge leap. You’ve been on a roller coaster and it’s been slowly going up, up, up and now you’ve finally passed that tipping point and your racing down the track. There’s no turning back for you now.”
We then moved to my feelings of guilt for not being in a constant state of “doing.” Again, I knew better. We are human beings after all and it’s ok to just be. Then Michael said something that forever changed the way I looked at my decision to leave the only life I knew. He said “you have just made a massive change in your life. You are gearing up for a life-changing transformation. Think of it as butterfly training school. Now is the time that you go inward and do the self-work that is needed to get to the next stage.” A huge weight fell from my shoulders upon hearing this. I felt like I had hit the lottery.
For the next few weeks I dedicated myself to a morning routine where I meditated, journaled, created written visualizations and acted “as if” I was already my future self. I spent time in nature, I spent time with friends and I got comfortable being by myself. I read, I wrote and I learned. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments of fear and relapsing into my old patterns. But gradually I formed new connections in my brain. The old, worn-out paradigm was replaced with a shiny new one that reflected the life I was creating. Some people in my life didn’t understand what I was doing. They thought it was frivolous and hippy-dippy. But I’m here to tell you, THIS IS THE WORK. This is why we are here—to remember who we truly are and then use that information to contribute to humanity and the planet.
At the end of July, the forgotten fragments of my Soul, which had previously felt scattered when I wasn’t honoring myself, started to come home. As these pieces started to settle into my heart like a Divine jigsaw puzzle, I was able to open up and allow Divine guidance to flow through. This is precisely when the idea for The Divine Breadcrumb came about. I had to get still. I had to quiet the mind chatter and the fears. I had to remove the big ol’ block that I had put in my path. I had to trust that the Universe had a bigger plan than I had for myself.
Fast forward 8 months and I have started not one, but two businesses. The first, The Divine Breadcrumb, with my best friend of over 20 years. We are blessed to talk with people all over the world through our podcast and online community. Each time we conduct an interview our vibration rises. It’s truly amazing that we get to showcase people on their own paths—people who are doing wonderful things in the world. We are so grateful. The second business is my coaching practice. It was always my goal when The Divine Breadcrumb was started to offer services such as workshops and coaching. Now I have the honor of leveraging my professional and personal experience and combining it with my coach trainings and most importantly, lessons from butterfly training school. The woman who didn’t think she had an entrepreneurial bone in her body has been able to create something out of what looked like nothing. But that “nothing” is truly the stuff that dreams are made of. Thank you, God and thank you to all the people in my life who have supported me through this journey. Chapter two begins now.